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Table of Contents:
Review of key ideas from the last issue
Warm up
'Who You Are Makes a Difference'
Hugs
Review of key ideas
Two challenges
Review of last issue
In our last issue, we discussed how to tap into the enormous
power of the 'Infinite Intelligence' in your subconscious
mind. We discussed three methods of talking to this part of
your mind: meditation; commands you give to your subconscious
mind just before going to sleep; and affirmations.
Then I explained how you could design your own highly
personalized affirmations in twelve steps, with examples.
Did you take up the two challenges I offered to you? The
first was to create three personal affirmations that
concentrate on some strengths or mental focus you wish to
have. The second was to be done when you go to bed. I asked
you to try asking your subconscious mind to work on solutions
to one or two problems you face.
If you took those challenges, I am sure you are enjoying
learning how you can develop yourself to become the kind of
person you want to be.
Warm up
Welcome to the fifth issue in this series of lessons on
mental tools to motivate yourself. It has been a great source
of pleasure for me to see how the use of these tools has
helped so many people. It is my personal desire to give to
you the kind of skills I believe is your birthright. You are
part of the most fantastic species on this planet and you
deserve to learn how to tap your tremendous potential.
As we approach the end of this millennium and look back over
the past ninety-six years, it boggles the mind to see how far
mankind has come in both technology and in learning about
ourselves.
At the beginning of this century most of the people of the
world lived under dictatorships. Large numbers of people died
from diseases that are just memories today - polio, scarlet
fever, malaria, yellow fever, smallpox, etc.
Two major world wars took the lives of tens of millions of
people. We saw the birth - and death - of communism as a
world threat.
In 1900 no human being had ever flown in a device that was
heavier than air. Except for Jules Verne, no one had dreamed
of going to the moon. Most of the civilized world did not
have electricity in their homes!
Computers? IBM had only developed to using punched cards.
Organ transplants? You've got to be kidding! If you got
cancer, your time was simply up. The average life expectancy
in most nations was under 50 years, often under 35 years.
Now look at us. Not only do we have access to much better
medical care, but the threat of war is almost gone in most
places of the world. In many nations, the average life
expectancy is approaching the mid-seventies!
As a species, we may rely on technology and political changes
to improve life in general. But as an individual, you have a
personal responsibility to learn how to improve yourself.
That is what this newsletter hopes to do - give you more
knowledge of how to improve your own life regardless of what
is going on around you.
One critical part of your life is your relationship with
others. In this issue, we will focus on how to improve your
emotional life.
Not all of us have had an easy start in life. Here is one
true story from my friend Ms. Helice Bridges on a method of
relating to others that helps.
'Who You Are Makes a Difference'
A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in
high school by telling them the difference they each made.
Using a process developed by Helice Bridges of Del Mar,
California, she called each student to the front of the
class, one at a time. First she told them how the student
made a difference to her and the class. Then she presented
each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted with gold letters
which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference."
Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see
what kind of impact recognition would have on a community.
She gave each of the students three more ribbons and
instructed them to go out and spread this recognition
ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the results, see who
honored whom and report back to the class in about a week.
One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a
nearby company and honored him for helping him with his
career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon and pinned it on
his shirt. Then he gave him two more ribbons and said, "We're
doing a class project on recognition, and we'd like you to go
out, find somebody to honor, give them a blue ribbon, and
then give them the extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge
a third person to keep this acknowledgment ceremony going.
Then please report back to me and tell me what happened.
Later that day the junior executive went in to see his boss,
who had been noted, by the way, as being kind of a grochy
fellow. He sat his boss down and he told him that he deeply
admired him for being a creative genius. The boss seemed very
surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept
the gift of the blue ribbon and would he give him permission
to put it on him. His surprised boss said, "Well, sure."
That junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed it
right on his boss's jacket above his heart. As he gave him
the last extra ribbon, he said, 'Would you do me a favor?
Would you take his extra ribbon and pass it on by honoring
somebody else? The young boy who gave me the ribbons is doing
a project in school and we want to keep this recognition
ceremony going and find out how it affects people."
That night the boss came home to his 14-year-old son and sat
him down. He said, "The most incredible thing happened to me
today. I was in my office and one of the junior executives
came in and told me he admired me and gave me a blue ribbon
for being a creative genius. Imagine. He thinks I am a
creative genius. Then he put this blue ribbon that says "Who
I Am Makes a Difference" on my jacket above my heart. He gve
me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to
honor. As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking
about whom I would honor with this ribbon and I thought about
you. I want to honor you.
"My days are really hectic and when I come home I don't pay a
lot of attention to you. Sometimes I scream at you for not
getting good enough grades in school and for your bedroom
being a mess, but somehow tonight, I just wanted to sit here
and, well, just let you know that you do make a difference to
me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in
my life. You're a great kid and I love you!"
The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he couldn't stop
couldn't stop crying. His whole body shook. He looked up at
his father and said through his tears, "I was planing on
committing suicide tomorrow, Dad, because I didn't think you
loved me. Now I don't need to."
[Story from Helice Bridges]
...
Do yourself the kindness of a few minutes to settle your
emotions before reading on.
...
Hugs
Wouldn't it have been better if the father and son in that
story had hugged each other more before that day?
We do not live alone in our own private little world. Humans
were designed to be social animals. If you are surrounded by
people who are not very motivated, there is something you can
do to brighten things up, both for yourself and for them.
I have been asked by hundreds of people "Yeah, that's all
well and good. But I live with a family / husband / wife /
co-workers who are no help. What do I do then?"
That is not an easy question to answer and it certainly is
not within the scope of this newsletter to tell you how to
change all the people around you.
But there is one thing you can do which will have a
tremendous effect on people. Hugs.
In an earlier issue I mentioned that I have met perhaps
20,000 people in my life and have come to the conclusion that
100 percent of them feel underappreciated.
I believe that one great cause of that feeling is not having
enough hugs.
Now is the time for us to take a closer look at what hugs are
and how we can best tap into their great power and use them
to achieve our goals.
When you were born, small as you were, great big humans tried
to give you as many hugs as they could.
Whenever they paid any attention to you and you gave them
back that big winning smile with your bright little eyes,
they probably wanted to touch you and give you a hug. Your
smile was all you needed to do to earn some wonderful
touching by other human beings.
And whenever you felt sad, or hurt, or lonely, or very happy,
you wanted to rush into your mother or father's arms and be
hugged.
In many cultures around the world, even strangers hug each
other.
Unfortunately, in the hustle of daily living in an industrial
society, we seem to be too busy to give hugs. Somewhere in
our past, perhaps in the Victorian era of the late 19th
century, people were taught to avoid hugs. It was not
considered proper. They were taught that they should not get
within that very small bubble of 'imaginary personal space'
surrounding each of us, unless invited. All this
standoffishness in the name of civility is getting us nowhere
except lonely.
As a result, we somehow unlearned the power of hugs between
friends and strangers.
I hope you see, as you develop a tremendous Positive Mental
Attitude about yourself and the world around you, that you do
not need to fear other people.
As a matter of fact, I hope you have learned that once you
love yourself and love life enough, you will want to GIVE
love and optimism to others.
You will have learned that the next step in your personal
development is to tap into that huge wellspring of warmth
that is only two arms away.
Let me show you what I mean.
I have a reputation of being the 'hug lady'.
Everywhere I go, I not only bring with me my tremendous
optimism, but I want to share it with all those I come into
contact with.
I give dozens of hugs every day. And absolutely everyone I
share a hug with responds with a very pleasant smile indeed!
Let me pause for a moment and ask you a simple question:
Do you feel you have all the appreciation you want or need
in life?
Very few people say 'yes' to that.
Nearly all of us would like to have more appreciation. That
is one of the secrets of Dale Carnegie's famous book "How to
Win Friends and Influence People".
Well, one of the most rewarding and satisfying ways to
appreciate another human being is through a hug!
Psychologists say we need at least twelve hugs a day for our
best emotional health. If you are not feeling in your best
possible mood, ask yourself - have I given and received my
twelve hugs yet today?
In my home, I started a tradition. We have morning hugs,
which occur between waking and 12 o'clock noon. We have
afternoon hugs, which occur between noon and 6 p.m.. And we
have evening hugs, which occur between 6 p.m. and bedtime.
And I practice spontaneous hugs, which can come at any time.
I'll approach a member of my family and ask 'What time is
it?'. And they will respond with something like "It's 2:13."
And I will say "Wow! It's time for our 2:13 hug!" and spread
my arms.
You see, anytime is an appropriate time for a hug between
friends and family.
I even invented the Love Attack hug. I stand back and come up
on the target of my affection and whisper quietly the words
'Love Attack!'. I whisper the words louder and louder until I
get their attention. As soon as they realize what I am
saying, I open up my arms very wide and put a big smile on my
face and we embrace.
It is the unplanned hugs that have extra value.
All these games around our house makes the sharing of hugs
very easy. I am also happy to report that our home is full of
love between all of us. Wouldn't you like your home to be
like that too?
Unfortunately, some of us need a little guidance in HOW to
give hugs. "What?" you say.
Do you every notice how warm you feel toward the other person
when you share a really good hug?
Let me ask you: When you give hugs, do you give the better
kinds of hugs?
Some people, afraid of human closeness, try to minimize the
experience, as if they are being forced into a hug, by
keeping it short and brisk. They give what I call the 'bump
hug'. They spend as little time as they can in physical
contact. It seems they only bump into you. Pity! That does
not provide enough time for that special transfer of human
psychic energy that come from hugs.
Ever had a 'bear hug'? Not fun, right? Don't you wish you
could tell those men who give hugs that almost crush your
bones that they are too frightened and need to relax a
little?
And my friend, NEVER PAT the other person on the back. They
are not your family dog!
But how do we make the best hugs, in order to get the best
results? It's simple.
Before you are going to offer a hug, start with a big, open,
and friendly smile. Look in the other person's eyes and say
something appreciative, like "Hey, have we had our hug yet
today?"
Make the other person feel comfortable during the hug.
If you are much taller than the other person, squat down a
little. It is painful to the other person to have their head
forced upward against your chest.
Hold the hug for at least three seconds. Anything less is
like a cold handshake. Let that other person know they are
special - and you appreciate them.
If I am starting the hug, I keep my arms around the other
person for as long as they want the embrace. As soon as they
start to pull away I know they have had enough.
Sometimes, when I wait like that, I am surprised by someone
who needed a hug very much. And as our embrace extends on to
ten seconds or so, I feel their whole body relax. Then I know
they had a special need, indeed.
When we break apart, I look in their eyes and say "Thank
you."
Can you tell which of us comes away with a new friend? We
both do!
If you live with other people, start your day by hugging
every one of them. Don't leave home without a hug if you can
arrange one.
Two challenges
As we come to a close in our sharing today, I offer two
challenges to you.
Your first challenge is to tell someone close to you that you
love them. Like the boy who was planning on committing
suicide, those close to you need to hear you say the magic
words 'I love you.'
Your second challenge is to hug three relatives or friends
AND hug three strangers or casual acquaintances. That's at
least six people. Remember: you need to give and therefore
get twelve hugs a day for your best mental health.
If you live alone, this is especially important. Try to get
out and hug people. Hugging your pet can help too, but
hugging humans is critically important.
Review of key ideas
I hope that you have gained something beneficial in this
visit of ours.
We started off with a visit to a school in New York and saw
how giving recognition to others can be a rewarding
experience. For the boy in our story, it was even a life
saving experience.
To help you gain more happiness in your life, I shared with
you some ideas on the meaning and power of hugs. For your own
mental health, you need to give twelve hugs a day. I am sure
you will enjoy every one of them. You are human. You need
hugs, as do the people around you. It's just that simple.
Do you accept my challenge to tell someone close to you that
you love him or her?
Will you share six hugs today and again tomorrow? I only wish
I could be with you to share one right now.
In our next issue, we will take a look at an often
misunderstood skill - self-hypnosis. I will give you specific
steps you can take to master this simple, yet amazingly
powerful way to energize yourself, speed healing, increase
your productivity, and improve your enjoyment of life.
I hope you have a good life until we meet then!
From the Publisher:
The 'Who You Are Makes a Difference' story has been reprinted
by permission from the New York Times best selling book
"Chicken Soup for the Soul", co-authors Mark Victor Hansen
and Jack Canfield.
In 1979, Helice Bridges recognized that people were starving
for recognition. She decided to do something about that and
created the Who I am Make a Difference Blue Ribbon so that
people everywhere could begin to acknowledge each other. She
is a renown keynote speaker, trainer, author, President of
HBC - Helice Bridges Communications and Founder of
Difference Makers International, a non-profit educational
organization. It is her dream that everyone in America will
receive a Blue Ribbon by the year 2000. To order Blue Ribbons
today, call 1-800-887-8422.
All articles are copyrighted by their authors. It is unlawful to copy or reprint without their permission. This issue is Copyright © Mar 14, 1996 Victory Crayne, California. All rights reserved.
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