You can download a ZIP version here.
Table of Contents:
Review of key ideas from the last issue Warm up 'Who You Are Makes a Difference' Hugs Review of key ideas Two challenges
Review of last issue
In our last issue, we discussed how to tap into the enormous power of the 'Infinite Intelligence' in your subconscious mind. We discussed three methods of talking to this part of your mind: meditation; commands you give to your subconscious mind just before going to sleep; and affirmations. Then I explained how you could design your own highly personalized affirmations in twelve steps, with examples. Did you take up the two challenges I offered to you? The first was to create three personal affirmations that concentrate on some strengths or mental focus you wish to have. The second was to be done when you go to bed. I asked you to try asking your subconscious mind to work on solutions to one or two problems you face. If you took those challenges, I am sure you are enjoying learning how you can develop yourself to become the kind of person you want to be.
Welcome to the fifth issue in this series of lessons on mental tools to motivate yourself. It has been a great source of pleasure for me to see how the use of these tools has helped so many people. It is my personal desire to give to you the kind of skills I believe is your birthright. You are part of the most fantastic species on this planet and you deserve to learn how to tap your tremendous potential. As we approach the end of this millennium and look back over the past ninety-six years, it boggles the mind to see how far mankind has come in both technology and in learning about ourselves. At the beginning of this century most of the people of the world lived under dictatorships. Large numbers of people died from diseases that are just memories today - polio, scarlet fever, malaria, yellow fever, smallpox, etc. Two major world wars took the lives of tens of millions of people. We saw the birth - and death - of communism as a world threat. In 1900 no human being had ever flown in a device that was heavier than air. Except for Jules Verne, no one had dreamed of going to the moon. Most of the civilized world did not have electricity in their homes! Computers? IBM had only developed to using punched cards. Organ transplants? You've got to be kidding! If you got cancer, your time was simply up. The average life expectancy in most nations was under 50 years, often under 35 years. Now look at us. Not only do we have access to much better medical care, but the threat of war is almost gone in most places of the world. In many nations, the average life expectancy is approaching the mid-seventies! As a species, we may rely on technology and political changes to improve life in general. But as an individual, you have a personal responsibility to learn how to improve yourself. That is what this newsletter hopes to do - give you more knowledge of how to improve your own life regardless of what is going on around you. One critical part of your life is your relationship with others. In this issue, we will focus on how to improve your emotional life. Not all of us have had an easy start in life. Here is one true story from my friend Ms. Helice Bridges on a method of relating to others that helps.
'Who You Are Makes a Difference'
A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in high school by telling them the difference they each made. Using a process developed by Helice Bridges of Del Mar, California, she called each student to the front of the class, one at a time. First she told them how the student made a difference to her and the class. Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted with gold letters which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference." Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a community. She gave each of the students three more ribbons and instructed them to go out and spread this recognition ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honored whom and report back to the class in about a week. One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby company and honored him for helping him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon and pinned it on his shirt. Then he gave him two more ribbons and said, "We're doing a class project on recognition, and we'd like you to go out, find somebody to honor, give them a blue ribbon, and then give them the extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge a third person to keep this acknowledgment ceremony going. Then please report back to me and tell me what happened. Later that day the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had been noted, by the way, as being kind of a grochy fellow. He sat his boss down and he told him that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius. The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon and would he give him permission to put it on him. His surprised boss said, "Well, sure." That junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed it right on his boss's jacket above his heart. As he gave him the last extra ribbon, he said, 'Would you do me a favor? Would you take his extra ribbon and pass it on by honoring somebody else? The young boy who gave me the ribbons is doing a project in school and we want to keep this recognition ceremony going and find out how it affects people." That night the boss came home to his 14-year-old son and sat him down. He said, "The most incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office and one of the junior executives came in and told me he admired me and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius. Imagine. He thinks I am a creative genius. Then he put this blue ribbon that says "Who I Am Makes a Difference" on my jacket above my heart. He gve me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to honor. As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking about whom I would honor with this ribbon and I thought about you. I want to honor you. "My days are really hectic and when I come home I don't pay a lot of attention to you. Sometimes I scream at you for not getting good enough grades in school and for your bedroom being a mess, but somehow tonight, I just wanted to sit here and, well, just let you know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life. You're a great kid and I love you!" The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he couldn't stop couldn't stop crying. His whole body shook. He looked up at his father and said through his tears, "I was planing on committing suicide tomorrow, Dad, because I didn't think you loved me. Now I don't need to." [Story from Helice Bridges] ... Do yourself the kindness of a few minutes to settle your emotions before reading on. ...Hugs
Wouldn't it have been better if the father and son in that story had hugged each other more before that day? We do not live alone in our own private little world. Humans were designed to be social animals. If you are surrounded by people who are not very motivated, there is something you can do to brighten things up, both for yourself and for them. I have been asked by hundreds of people "Yeah, that's all well and good. But I live with a family / husband / wife / co-workers who are no help. What do I do then?" That is not an easy question to answer and it certainly is not within the scope of this newsletter to tell you how to change all the people around you. But there is one thing you can do which will have a tremendous effect on people. Hugs. In an earlier issue I mentioned that I have met perhaps 20,000 people in my life and have come to the conclusion that 100 percent of them feel underappreciated. I believe that one great cause of that feeling is not having enough hugs. Now is the time for us to take a closer look at what hugs are and how we can best tap into their great power and use them to achieve our goals. When you were born, small as you were, great big humans tried to give you as many hugs as they could. Whenever they paid any attention to you and you gave them back that big winning smile with your bright little eyes, they probably wanted to touch you and give you a hug. Your smile was all you needed to do to earn some wonderful touching by other human beings. And whenever you felt sad, or hurt, or lonely, or very happy, you wanted to rush into your mother or father's arms and be hugged. In many cultures around the world, even strangers hug each other. Unfortunately, in the hustle of daily living in an industrial society, we seem to be too busy to give hugs. Somewhere in our past, perhaps in the Victorian era of the late 19th century, people were taught to avoid hugs. It was not considered proper. They were taught that they should not get within that very small bubble of 'imaginary personal space' surrounding each of us, unless invited. All this standoffishness in the name of civility is getting us nowhere except lonely. As a result, we somehow unlearned the power of hugs between friends and strangers. I hope you see, as you develop a tremendous Positive Mental Attitude about yourself and the world around you, that you do not need to fear other people. As a matter of fact, I hope you have learned that once you love yourself and love life enough, you will want to GIVE love and optimism to others. You will have learned that the next step in your personal development is to tap into that huge wellspring of warmth that is only two arms away. Let me show you what I mean. I have a reputation of being the 'hug lady'. Everywhere I go, I not only bring with me my tremendous optimism, but I want to share it with all those I come into contact with. I give dozens of hugs every day. And absolutely everyone I share a hug with responds with a very pleasant smile indeed! Let me pause for a moment and ask you a simple question: Do you feel you have all the appreciation you want or need in life? Very few people say 'yes' to that. Nearly all of us would like to have more appreciation. That is one of the secrets of Dale Carnegie's famous book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Well, one of the most rewarding and satisfying ways to appreciate another human being is through a hug! Psychologists say we need at least twelve hugs a day for our best emotional health. If you are not feeling in your best possible mood, ask yourself - have I given and received my twelve hugs yet today? In my home, I started a tradition. We have morning hugs, which occur between waking and 12 o'clock noon. We have afternoon hugs, which occur between noon and 6 p.m.. And we have evening hugs, which occur between 6 p.m. and bedtime. And I practice spontaneous hugs, which can come at any time. I'll approach a member of my family and ask 'What time is it?'. And they will respond with something like "It's 2:13." And I will say "Wow! It's time for our 2:13 hug!" and spread my arms. You see, anytime is an appropriate time for a hug between friends and family. I even invented the Love Attack hug. I stand back and come up on the target of my affection and whisper quietly the words 'Love Attack!'. I whisper the words louder and louder until I get their attention. As soon as they realize what I am saying, I open up my arms very wide and put a big smile on my face and we embrace. It is the unplanned hugs that have extra value. All these games around our house makes the sharing of hugs very easy. I am also happy to report that our home is full of love between all of us. Wouldn't you like your home to be like that too? Unfortunately, some of us need a little guidance in HOW to give hugs. "What?" you say. Do you every notice how warm you feel toward the other person when you share a really good hug? Let me ask you: When you give hugs, do you give the better kinds of hugs? Some people, afraid of human closeness, try to minimize the experience, as if they are being forced into a hug, by keeping it short and brisk. They give what I call the 'bump hug'. They spend as little time as they can in physical contact. It seems they only bump into you. Pity! That does not provide enough time for that special transfer of human psychic energy that come from hugs. Ever had a 'bear hug'? Not fun, right? Don't you wish you could tell those men who give hugs that almost crush your bones that they are too frightened and need to relax a little? And my friend, NEVER PAT the other person on the back. They are not your family dog! But how do we make the best hugs, in order to get the best results? It's simple. Before you are going to offer a hug, start with a big, open, and friendly smile. Look in the other person's eyes and say something appreciative, like "Hey, have we had our hug yet today?" Make the other person feel comfortable during the hug. If you are much taller than the other person, squat down a little. It is painful to the other person to have their head forced upward against your chest. Hold the hug for at least three seconds. Anything less is like a cold handshake. Let that other person know they are special - and you appreciate them. If I am starting the hug, I keep my arms around the other person for as long as they want the embrace. As soon as they start to pull away I know they have had enough. Sometimes, when I wait like that, I am surprised by someone who needed a hug very much. And as our embrace extends on to ten seconds or so, I feel their whole body relax. Then I know they had a special need, indeed. When we break apart, I look in their eyes and say "Thank you." Can you tell which of us comes away with a new friend? We both do! If you live with other people, start your day by hugging every one of them. Don't leave home without a hug if you can arrange one.
As we come to a close in our sharing today, I offer two challenges to you. Your first challenge is to tell someone close to you that you love them. Like the boy who was planning on committing suicide, those close to you need to hear you say the magic words 'I love you.' Your second challenge is to hug three relatives or friends AND hug three strangers or casual acquaintances. That's at least six people. Remember: you need to give and therefore get twelve hugs a day for your best mental health. If you live alone, this is especially important. Try to get out and hug people. Hugging your pet can help too, but hugging humans is critically important.
Review of key ideas
I hope that you have gained something beneficial in this visit of ours. We started off with a visit to a school in New York and saw how giving recognition to others can be a rewarding experience. For the boy in our story, it was even a life saving experience. To help you gain more happiness in your life, I shared with you some ideas on the meaning and power of hugs. For your own mental health, you need to give twelve hugs a day. I am sure you will enjoy every one of them. You are human. You need hugs, as do the people around you. It's just that simple. Do you accept my challenge to tell someone close to you that you love him or her? Will you share six hugs today and again tomorrow? I only wish I could be with you to share one right now. In our next issue, we will take a look at an often misunderstood skill - self-hypnosis. I will give you specific steps you can take to master this simple, yet amazingly powerful way to energize yourself, speed healing, increase your productivity, and improve your enjoyment of life. I hope you have a good life until we meet then!
From the Publisher:
The 'Who You Are Makes a Difference' story has been reprinted by permission from the New York Times best selling book "Chicken Soup for the Soul", co-authors Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield. In 1979, Helice Bridges recognized that people were starving for recognition. She decided to do something about that and created the Who I am Make a Difference Blue Ribbon so that people everywhere could begin to acknowledge each other. She is a renown keynote speaker, trainer, author, President of HBC - Helice Bridges Communications and Founder of Difference Makers International, a non-profit educational organization. It is her dream that everyone in America will receive a Blue Ribbon by the year 2000. To order Blue Ribbons today, call 1-800-887-8422.
All articles are copyrighted by their authors. It is unlawful to copy or reprint without their permission. This issue is Copyright © Mar 14, 1996 Victory Crayne, California. All rights reserved.
Please send suggestions and comments to:
You are invited to visit the Victory Page at:
where other motivational materials are available for downloading.
Please visit this page again at: http://www.crayne.com/vmn-5.html